I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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