It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
