I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
