Swine flu is the new snow day.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
