I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize