So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize