i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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