woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
