Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
