yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
