You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
