For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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