oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
