So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
