I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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