My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your cock deserves a montage
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
