I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
