she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
