it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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