I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
