i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize