i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
