update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
