Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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