I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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