I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize