sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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