"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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