"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
