It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
