I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
