At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
