pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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