she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
