omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
