May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
