it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
