do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
