I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
