who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
