At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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