there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
