Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
