I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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