Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
God, I missed his penis.
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