Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
