I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize