i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
