I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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