OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
