Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
