kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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