Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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