I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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