I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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