I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
