The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
