i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it was like eating out sand paper
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
