In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
