Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
