so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
