Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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