OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
