i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
