I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
