I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize