from now on my penis is your penis
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
