Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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