Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize