It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
