this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
