If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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