i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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