It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there was a trapeze. enough said
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
