there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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