Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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