I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
