It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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