And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
