I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
