I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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