So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
